Dreaming...It's Easier Than Doing

Bryan has been urging me to find a job that I enjoy, as have many other blogs out there. He believes my lack of employment could be a sign that maybe this is my shot to pursue a dream. He’s been doing some similar thinking lately. You see, Bryan, like a lot of you, hates his job. Maybe he’s right. Maybe all this down time would be the perfect chance for me to buy a ticket for a rocket trip to the stars. Or maybe I should just pursue my dreams. Let’s discuss.

Dream Job # 1: Develop my own animated sitcom
Explanation: Anyone who knows me knows two things: 1.) I spent four years of my life attempting to teach a cat how to eat with a spoon and fork, a project that failed miserably and 2.) I love adult cartoons like “The Simpsons” and “Family Guy.” I also love humor writing, and I find script writing to be insanely fun. Put the two together and it’s an obvious fit.
What I need to realistically obtain this goal: More knowledge on animation, someone in Hollywood to read and like a script of mine, a lot of luck.
Conclusion: Seeing as I know little about animation and don’t have many show business contacts, I’ve decided to just take old "Flintstones" footage, edit different scenes together, and record new audio tracks for them. Why, that’s not Fred Flintstone! That’s Lamont Biggins, a 42-year-old insurance salesman who secretly fights crime as a drug-addicted vampire. The Great Gazoo? Don’t you mean one of Lamont’s cocaine/LSD/crystal meth hallucinations?

Dream Job # 2: Humor Columnist for a major newspaper
Explanation: I wrote a humor column in college and had a blast with it. Given my love for creative writing and entertaining people with witty banter, this job would be ideal for me.
What I need to realistically obtain this goal: Years of experience at a newspaper, where I can work my way up and perhaps eventually reach my goal. Or I could hold an editor hostage. The latter is more realistic when you realize how much I hate newspaper writing.
Conclusion: I will tell everyone my pseudonym is Dave Barry.

Dream Job #3: Working for a video game magazine
Explanation: I’m playing a video game as I type this, so obviously I love video games. I…I...don’t….I’m sorry. I got distracted by which shade of pink Mary-Kate should wear in Mary-Kate & Ashley: Magical Mystery Mall, the greatest video game of all time.
What I need to realistically obtain this goal: The majority of video game magazines are based out of California, a place I would never move to even if the other 49 states were infested with Richard Simmons clones. Their governor can’t even properly pronounce the name of their state. Kal-lee-forn-eyuh? Please stay away from politics, and stick to destroying robots from the future.
Conclusion: Arnold Schwarzenegger appeared in 1997’s “Batman and Robin.” In the film, he played Mr. Freeze and delivered the lines: “Allow me to break the ice. My name is Freeze. Learn it well. For it's the chilling sound of your doom.” This man must be stopped.

Dream Job #4: Goat Rodeo Worker
Explanation: If you don’t know this is my biggest dream, then you probably are reading the wrong blog.
What I need to realistically obtain this goal: Years of traveling to the biggest goat rodeo circuits, learning hands-on techniques from the masters.
Conclusion: Find a funnier picture than this. I dare you.

I know you should never give up on a dream. But I have this overwhelming fear that I’ll wind up working in some soul-crushing office filing TPS reports. Any thoughts?